NO!

I've come to my senses!
I'm going elsewhere to chronicle this globetrotting madness. travelinriverside.blogspot.com is the place...
this place is a wee bit HORRIBLE to read, reaching eye-melting levels. So I'll instead be chronicling Europe and other such global endeavors at the new blog mentioned above. Here it is again. travelinriverside.blogspot.com

Sherlock Holmes Pastiches, or the Difference Between Men and Women

One thing I have noticed about Sherlock Holmes pastiches is that I can always tell who has written the one I'm reading.
A man tends to try his best to imitate Sir Conan Doyle, and he does it so well that it is obviously not Sir Conan Doyle. He also gives Watson rather a lot more to say than Conan-Doyle did; Watson has also been known to get in on the action a bit more than usual. Watson tends to be sharper than his canonical counterpart; much of Holmes's deductions aren't lost on the dear doctor, and he occasionally hears the other boot fall (for himself, of course, as Holmes has already figured it out) without more than two prompts from Holmes. Many of the men in a fellow's rendition of the stories will be able to comprehend what Holmes is saying with little assistance. A man's Holmes pastiche is also, unsurprisingly, rather bare of women; save, of course, for Mrs. Hudson, who makes very scarce appearances. If there is to be a woman at all in a man's pastiche, she is likely to have a submissive or minor part, being either the client, a creature of the most delicate constitution to catch dear old Watson's eye, or, once, the perpetrator of the crime. This instance was observed in the collection entitled "Sherlock Holmes: The Montana Chronicles" (John Fitzpatrick), when the Creature of the Most Delicate Constitution turned out to be a Creature Who Happens to be Gifted Not Only With a Delicate Constitution but Also With Some Cleverness. However, she was not acting alone in this plot; she was assisting her brother, I believe. I suspect a male author will attempt Doyle-isms to seem worldly and intelligent. He gives Watson a much thicker script and quicker thought processes to humble Holmes, to elevate himself (for Watson can be seen as an avatar for his readers; being particularly ordinary in many ways, save for the best ones, it would not be too difficult to replace Watson with one's own self. As Conan-Doyle created this extraordinary Everyman to be not quite as clever as Holmes, it seems natural that men who write pastiches should brighten him up a little.) The absence of women is, I think, an attempt to think like "they" did; "they," being Men of the Time, most likely did not think too much about women. I personally wouldn't know too well, but I suspect that ladies were often ornamental, or below a man's notice, depending on her station. When women make virtually no appearance whatsoever in a modern Holmes pastiche, one can deduce that the man who has written it thinks he is being very historical and incredibly accurate when he leaves the fairer sex out of his story. Little does he know that he is potentially leaving out a very interesting part of his story. Madmen.

When a woman writes a Holmes pastiche (and let it be known, I have read very few of these), she almost invariably writes a very strong female character into it. This character tends to be able to understand Holmes with little assistance; she may be streetwise and canny; most likely she is not very high on the totem pole. Given that I'm a little bit notorious for writing alter egos into my stories, I suspect that these characters are precisely that: channels for their authors. Women will perhaps write more of what Holmes or Watson is thinking (more likely Watson, for there are very few pastiches that I've read that deviate from the canonical narrative of the good doctor), and there may be a little less action, if you will. A woman may give Watson more to say, as well, though it may be more from pity (if you will) than "want" (also, if you will). Her story will perhaps be bursting with women, unless it's a short story, where there is no room for all those ladies. In this case, the woman will be very very strong and important. Holmes will, maybe, not act as cunning as usual, perhaps because the female author will put more time into the characters than the processes.
The lady author gives Holmes a [strong] female counterpart because she thinks Holmes needs a feminine perspective or somesuch rot.
5-6-13 DAMMNNNN this is actually weirdly insightful and not nearly as loaded with big funny derpy words as I was anticipating, three years later. Consider it published. But not finished. Maybe later. (Unlikely.) but there you go I guess.

Cue Weary Sigh

I get progressively more self-aware as the years go by and reliving my earlier attempts at pithiness become reliably more excruciating as I do.
The trick to being self aware is to not let anyone else be aware that you're aware.
That being said, I'm going to Europe in a ridiculously short period of time and have as a result reanimated this decomposing blog for the purpose of chronicling my trek across the Continent. It is an ongoing feat of necromancy which I hope will conclude successfully, much like another unrelated cybernetic endeavor I'm undertaking simultaneously. Cue the giggling and snorting.
If I begin to write in parliamentary procedure, reach out and give me a smart slap, because I've only attended one Model Arab League and as such have very little basis or entitlement to entertain motions to table debate on whether or not "biscuits" should be exclusively in reference to flaky buttery pastries or what would elsewhere be known as "cookies" and may I have a second.
I'll let you know. I still ramble and make excuses about the time. Only difference is, I am now aware of it.
*bellowing*
YOURS CORDIALLY
Holmesy

PS
pictures

OH I'm BACK NOW

but really, not actually.

I'm going to revive this piece of cybernetic crud and write about trips I take. Or whatever. BORED /Sherlock
That means I'm going to wish I'd written something when I decided not was unable to.
Cos I've got a year.
Who knows, maybe I'll bring myself to post something pithy. With regularity.
AhAHAHA

Heat and Cold

"Hot" activities include: cooking, pyrotechnics, sunbathing, drinking tea, exercising, sleeping, welding, glassblowing, farriery*, and arguing.
"Cold" activities include: refrigerator manufacture, ice skating, snowball fights, Antarctic exploration, cryogenics, and sticking your head in the freezer.



*black-smithing to you

Excitement with Potatoes

While it may sound rather like an oxymoron, I assure you that it is true: potatoes can be rather exciting at times. Like when you boil them for a half an hour. Then they char and coat the bottom of the pan with a lovely shade of black. Don't put bleach on it. Baking soda works best. Also, potatoes that have been thus treated tend to make rather tasty mashed potatoes. Enjoy!

U2 Unwittingly Predicts "The Hunger Games"

It just occurred to me, listening to U2's "A Man and a Woman", how well the lyrics seem to capture the love story of Katniss and Peeta of "The Hunger Games". If Katniss and Peeta were inclined to singing, this song would be their debut. I shall now proceed to point out the Areas of Uncanniness, in the form of what could be viewed as a script for a musical. Great heavens, what a mix!

THE HUNGER GAMES, RETHOUGHT: THE MUSICAL OF DEEP PHILOSOPHY AND SELF-EXPLORATION, OR SOMESUCH ROT
SCENE: KATNISS and PEETA have taken a brief hiatus from the suspense and thrill of the original story and are musing, thoughtfully. They are on opposite sides of the stage, with their backs turned to each other. PRIM enters center stage and kneels reflectively in the front. U2, lurking back-stage-left, visible to the audience but not to Katniss nor Peeta (for effect, you must understand), begin to play.

KATNISS, to PRIM: Little sister... Don't you worry about a thing today
Take the heat from the sun
Little sister
I know that everything is not OK
But you're like honey on my tongue

PEETA and KATNISS: True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

PEETA: I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
KATNISS: No, I could never take a chance
'Cause I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

CHORUS, to KATNISS: You can run from love
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
PEETA: But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

KATNISS: I could never take a chance
PEETA: Of losing love to find romance
Both KATNISS and PEETA, in harmony: In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

PEETA: And you're the one, there's no-one else
who makes me want to lose myself
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

Brown eyed girl across the street
On rue Saint Divine
I thought this is the one for me
But she was already mine
You were already mine...

KATNISS, to PRIM: Little sister
I've been sleeping in the street again
Like a stray dog
Little sister
I've been trying to feel complete again
But you're gone and so is God

KATNISS and PEETA: The soul needs beauty for a soul mate
When the soul wants...the soul waits ...

KATNISS: No, I could never take a chance
PEETA: Of losing love to find romance
BOTH: In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

CHORUS: For love and FAITH AND SEX and fear
And all the things that keep us here
KATNISS: In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

PEETA: How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

Lights fade as KATNISS and PEETA turn to each other and make minimal eye contact. U2 continues playing to the end of the song even as the stage darkens.

Lyrics from www.sing365.com
Song (lyrics, music) by U2